Let me tell you some of the ways that my husband is a gift to me. If you know Bill Batdorf you already know what an amazing person he is. He was awarded a witty  certificate for being the person that you’d most want to be stranded on a deserted island with. He is that guy.

We were in the kitchen one day, and I pulled him to me, and boa constricted him tight and said, “Let’s see how close we can get.” He pushed his glasses up, and with a nerdy finger in the air said, “Two atoms cannot exist in the same space, at the same time.” I laughed and said, “What about an Adam and an Eve?” 

One of the reasons I married Bill is because he makes me laugh. Another reason I married him is because he is a safe person. My previous romantic relationship was not a safe space so I needed some cycles of falling in love and pulling back to know that Bill is a safe home for me. At one point when we were dating, we were in the ice cream aisle at Pathmark, and he gave me this look. It was adoration coming out of his eyes. I knew I was home. 

The previous dating relationship had criticisms and critiques in an effort to erase me as a person. Bill did not do that. He was happy to exist with me as I am. In this safety that Bill provided, we have both changed over the last 25 years. He gave me room to live and to move and to have my being. He was sharing with our small group of friends some of the ways that I live with him. Our friend Marilyn explained, “It’s her privilege to do so.” There are times when we frustrate each other, but I’d like to think that we give each other an open permission to be.

An important thing about our relationship is our faith in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins. There is a wide, wide body of beliefs and practices in this thing that we call Christianity. There is a spectrum of doctrines, and we have moved through this spectrum in tandem, but not necessarily in lock step.

Both of us have been influenced by what I now consider to be high control religion. One of the beliefs that we have left behind is the idea that the husband is the spiritual leader of the home. It was a pivotal day when I learned that it is the Holy Spirit who is my spiritual leader, and it is the Holy Spirit who is Bill’s leader, and that might look different for each of us. I was at one time frustrated thinking, “He’s not leading me.” Now I think he was being a gift to me by not living out that particular narrative. It’s a weight lifted to know that Bill is not responsible for me, and that Jesus has me covered. When Bill discovered that our church’s online directory has a weird 1 Corinthians 11 feature that lists the husband as head, he asked me, “Should we make you head too?” I laughed, “Dew it.” Our secret rebellion of the patriarchy.

Bill calls it the penis effect. Brian Morris calls it The Divine Right of Men™️. I call it gender roles. There’s a lot of indoctrination and practices that goes into making men’s voices have more value than women’s voices. When Beth Alison Barr’s book came out I was scared to read it. I knew it would change me as a person. The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth. Bill was a gift to me by buying the book and reading it, and basically making a way for me to move into more freedom in Christ. 

Bill has been my defender, and he has been an advocate for my voice. He makes space for me to try to explain how I understand scripture. A few years ago when I was lamenting to him about how we don’t have any Apollos in our community. He responded, “I’ll be your Apollos.” And he has been. A man willing to learn from me. Bill soothes my abandonment and rejection trauma.

For years Bill has been saying things like, “Abandon hope, all you who enter here.” And, “They are part of the circumcision party.” And, “The law is the bad news.” Now I get it. For me anyway, I now understand that we get to walk through this world righteous and holy, as a gift. On account of Christ, crucified and resurrected. Apart from what we do or don’t do. I’m incredibly fortunate that I get to do that with Bill. 

Jesus makes me holy, Bill makes me happy.