Chelsea’s Husband shared this on Twitter:
My wife and I were “healthy” comp’s for a long time, & worked to make decisions mutually, but it’s pretty insidious how the mindset of “Godly women submit” seeps into everything. You can’t truly have a voice when you’re taught theologically that your voice is not as valuable.
As men, it’s very difficult for us to understand just how deeply women internalize the “submit” message, even in the “most healthy” of comp settings. That’s why it’s so important to listen to women’s voices and perspectives on this topic, and learn from them.
Women are getting this message (men lead, women submit) taught to them early on – from church (even subconsciously, through leadership structure), books, media, etc. and by the time you get to marriage (and during), it’s very much internalized, even part of their identity.
Even with a loving husband who wants to love and listen to his wife, when a disagreement occurs, the wife feels the weight of her entire comp. theology that’s been taught to her from childhood – pressuring her to agree with her husband – all out of a desire to honor God.
Even if she ends up convincing her husband to her way of thinking, there’s guilt that perhaps she didn’t honor God – maybe she should have “submitted”. This is what happens when “wives submit” has been emphasized all throughout her life, at the expense of “submit to one another”.
It’s not healthy for men either – we’ve always been in that position of power, with the belief that our voice is more important, so when we (men) decide to “listen” to our wives, we view it as “sacrifice” – look how loving we are! Power & entitlement twists our “love” into pride.
Only w/ mutual submission (Eph 5:21) can a husband truly love (& submit to) his wife, laying down his power as Christ did for the church. Only w/ mutual submission can a wife express her voice with confidence that her husband values her, & that she equally is made in God’s Image.
Only in the context of mutual submission can a husband and wife, in marriage, truly be “one flesh” and “united” (Eph 5:31) – working through differences and disagreements with love and mutual submission, agreeing on a path for their marriage together.
PS: didn’t expect this to get so much notice, thankful for all the responses!
After we left comp theology, we stumbled onto
sheilagregoire‘s book and website. She helped give us words to process the insidious ways comp had affected our marriage.
The narrative that I hear being taught from 1 Timothy 2:11-15 is that Adam was created first with authority, and Eve was created second without authority. This is referred to as God’s good created order. Eve usurped Adam’s authority in the garden of Eden. The ESV, English Standard Bible, has rewritten Genesis 3:16 to say Eve, “your desire will be contrary to your husband.” The women teachers have been groomed to teach that women will try to control men. The original passage was translated as “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” The husband becomes Lord, and Jesus is lord. Both of these fleshly desires, your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you, will be terminated in Christ. Instead of the husband being the Lord, Jesus is Lord. The husband and wife rule in mutuality as originally intended. If we are having a difficult time picturing this, think of how an all male elder board shares authority and submission, honor and respect, with one another. Extend that out to include women.
It’s fascinating to me that in 1 Timothy 2 Paul is correcting one set of false teachings, and we have turned that into another set of false teachings. Both men and women have been groomed to fawn over men and view women with suspicion. We show favoritism towards men, and in doing so we metaphorically murder women. We’ve been groomed to break the royal law. James 2:8 Indeed, if you fulfill the royal law prescribed in the Scripture, Love your neighbor as yourself, you are doing well. 9 If, however, you show favoritism, you commit sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. 10 For whoever keeps the entire law, and yet stumbles at one point, is guilty of breaking it all. 11 For he who said, Do not commit adultery, also said, Do not murder. So if you do not commit adultery, but you murder, you are a lawbreaker.
What I am observing is that Christians whose conscience is still bound to the law of Moses read all of scripture through the lens of law, and they may be following gender role laws. Listening to Christians who don’t follow gender role laws, I have discovered that they may have been set free from Moses already. Not always, but there does seem to be a correlation.
1 Corinthians 7:23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of people. Paul says this, and yet again we turn around and use the household codes in Ephesians 5 and Titus 2, as slavery codes. Hierarchies of authority and submission laws. Titus 1:10 For there are many rebellious people, full of empty talk and deception, especially those from the circumcision party. 11 It is necessary to silence them; they are ruining entire households by teaching what they shouldn’t in order to get money dishonestly. The circumcision party is addressed in Acts 15 as the Christians who had joined ranks with the Pharisees wanting the Christians to obey the law of Moses. The law of faith sets us free from the rule of the law that was given to Moses at Mount Sinai. Paul’s letters to the church are not torah. We can interpret Titus 2 through the lens of Titus 1:10-11 and Acts 15.
One well loved, well known, well read, pastor teaches that wives have authority, but they give up their authority. He teaches that the husband has the authority of Christ, and the wife has the submission of Christ. Effectively making the wife’s conscience in Stockholm syndrome to her husband. Under one-sided submission, women become slaves of men.
This is the darkness of the law written on our hearts at work in us. Jesus’ commands are not the 10 commandments. When our conscience is bound to the law of Moses every word in scripture becomes a command from the Lord. “The Lord’s commands.” Jesus becomes “Caesar” as in “Caesar is Lord”. This mindset is a heavy burden to live under, a high control religion.
Jesus is Lord. Jesus is God himself, who took on human form. Obeyed the law perfectly on our behalf, because we cannot even make small obedience towards this law. He died on the cross. Nailed the law to the cross. Rose again on the third day in accordance to the scriptures. Jesus himself sets us free from every word in scripture being a command or demand on us. If the Son sets you free you are free indeed. Commands and demands become appeals to a freed conscience.
Submission has become a law that godly women live under and Jesus died to set women, and men, free from this heavy burden. Throw off every weight of law and sin. Because wherever we have law we have sin, the two cannot be separated, and run with freedom the race set before you. Since you are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses who have given their lives to set us free from the law. Under the new covenant law of faith, the law of Moses and the sin that it empowers gets set aside only in Christ. It is both lifted off, by God, and we throw it off ourselves. Yes, we can interpret Hebrews 11 + 12 through this lens. Jesus is greater than Moses lens. The circumcision party wants us to obey the law of Moses. If you are a card carrying member of that party, Jesus is calling you out of that darkness, and into the light of Christ.
The law of Moses given at Mount Sinai: Hebrews 12:18 For you have not come to what could be touched, to a blazing fire, to darkness, gloom, and storm, 19 to the blast of a trumpet, and the sound of words. Those who heard it begged that not another word be spoken to them, 20 for they could not bear what was commanded: If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned. 21 The appearance was so terrifying that Moses said, I am trembling with fear.
The law of faith, righteousness & holiness as a gift, at Mount Zion: Hebrews 12:22 Instead, you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God (the heavenly Jerusalem), to myriads of angels, a festive gathering, 23 to the assembly of the firstborn whose names have been written in heaven, to a Judge, who is God of all, to the spirits of righteous people made perfect, 24 and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood, which says better things than the blood of Abel.
Submission is not a law for women to live under. Submission as a law only leads us into pride, despair, or apathy. Women who are beaten down with the submission verses have had their voice taken away. The light of life is dim. Men feel entitled not to listen to them. In Christ, women have both authority and submission, we honor the full range of our emotions, we have confidence in our spirit and in the Holy Spirit. We are free from Moses, as the Jerusalem above is free, to live spontaneously in the Spirit, to use whatever gifts God gives us to help our neighbor as we are willing and able. Women learn to read all of scripture through the mind of the new man, turning away from the darkness of law written on our hearts. Having the same mind as Christ, we are the righteousness of God by faith, being transformed into His image, with a renewed mindset.
Related:
1 Corinthians 14:26-4026 What then, brothers and sisters? Whenever you come together, each one has a hymn, a teaching, a revelation, another tongue, or an interpretation. Everything is to be done for building up. Paul teaches that these instructions for the gathered church are the Lord’s commands. He corrects the cultural mindset of verses 34-35 that was creeping into the church, “34 the women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but are to submit themselves, as the law also says.”, we don’t see these instructions anywhere in the law of Moses. 37 If anyone thinks he is a prophet or spiritual, he should recognize that what I write to you is the Lord’s command. 38 If anyone ignores this, he will be ignored.
Sarah Batdorf 
Leave a comment